glossy eyed i stared at everyone as if they were ghosts . i floated my way through the day .. through a heavy veil. had pretend to be okay drinks with jesse. he interviewed some shitty berlin duo and we had to go to their show. i hate everyone when i havent slept enough so i left before i killed the whole club full of idiots on poser drugs. I wrote a huge letter to peter yesterday. after which i felt better. but i read it again today. and i feel NOT BETTER. and im really mad at the world. and at myself. oct. 14th peter wrote me and we were supposed to hang out. I WAITED TOOOO FUCKING LONG. im not sure if it would have changed anything. but my golden isntincts gave me a sign. and im too selfish and stupid to pay attention . this is fucked up. i have no idea how im going to handle seeing you tonight. YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD. you beautiful jerk.. i found the lyrics you wrote in my journal. I love you and I'm so privilaged to have known you. play me some chopin when i see you again cherie poitrek. LOVE YOU TO INFINITY.
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