KITTEN THEFT.

KWEEEN aunty vesna picked me up from work TO FIX LIKE AN OLD BICYCLE. and to her new apartment we went. ABOVE A CANDY SHOPPE. its fancy . and deliciously old and COZY feeeling. she TOOKETH CARE OF MEAND rubbbde olive oil into my hair. she said it was a disgrace . the dry mess that is my MANE. she fed me well and gave me hot hot chocolate. after which i curled up and fell asleep like an exhausted little baby beast. was spposed to hang with carl and his scotch but cant. i cant focus on the sad. im so o o saddened out. cant be in sad company. going for comedies on tuesday and girldate with my new friend on wednesday. bubblegum pink please. i cant stand it anymore. THE COLOUR OF YOUR VOICE IS PAINTED IN MY HEAD PERMANENTLY . tomorrow i goldie luxx till the geease come home. ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ps ps ps psss. boys just confess to me. all the things they hate about their girlfriends. stop. i dont like indeficiencies in people. tell me only the GOOD. only the goood the GOODS. BROKEN but good. you know. kisses and lollipops.

. . .

Such a sad and beautiful funeral. I'm exhausted from crying but I'm glad I was there with peter the whole way to send him off to the heavens. Last night jesse and i went to see him at the viewing. and he was smirking at us all. HE WOULD. everyone was pretty wrecked. I felt nauseous the whole day. Im glad jesse was there cuz he's way more grounded and relaxed me a little bit. Peters family is so lovely and everyone was so great. I needed to hear the things I heard spoken today. Im far from reaching acceptence or closure. but theres progress. i miss knowing you're out there doing what you do..even tho i didnt see you much this year.. and we were RIPE for a catching up sesh.. and then . you just left. .I swear i heard this through the clouds.

MOURNING IN BLACK SATIN WITH TEARS..

glossy eyed i stared at everyone as if they were ghosts . i floated my way through the day .. through a heavy veil. had pretend to be okay drinks with jesse. he interviewed some shitty berlin duo and we had to go to their show. i hate everyone when i havent slept enough so i left before i killed the whole club full of idiots on poser drugs. I wrote a huge letter to peter yesterday. after which i felt better. but i read it again today. and i feel NOT BETTER. and im really mad at the world. and at myself. oct. 14th peter wrote me and we were supposed to hang out. I WAITED TOOOO FUCKING LONG. im not sure if it would have changed anything. but my golden isntincts gave me a sign. and im too selfish and stupid to pay attention . this is fucked up. i have no idea how im going to handle seeing you tonight. YOU WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD. you beautiful jerk.. i found the lyrics you wrote in my journal. I love you and I'm so privilaged to have known you. play me some chopin when i see you again cherie poitrek. LOVE YOU TO INFINITY.

IT WASNT SUPPOSED TO END LIKE THIS.

YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP. AND READ MY FUNNY STUPID GET WELL CARD. AND NOT LET YOUR SHITTY ROMANCE WITH THE DEVIL KILL YOU.. this is not happening. REST IN PARADISE PETER MOSKALYK .EVERYTHING YOU EVER DID AND SAID WAS PURE MAGIC..WHAT A FUCKING LOSS FOR HUMAN KIND AND THE WORLD ON THIS SICK DAY.. I CANT LET YOU GO ...I LOVE YOU. this world didnt fucking deserve you in the first place.. I LOVE YOU FOREVER.

untill you feel nothing.

DONT YOU DARE. not like this. im restless and helpless and im coming to kick your ass at the hospital tomorrow. not like this peter. NOT NOW. try again dude.

gagging on seafoam.

how you sooooooothe me. rainy downtown in the early morning. i embrace the gray and i aim for the comfort of my own bed. to sleeep off..the disintegration, deceiving lights and ridiculous amounts of whiskey ,the thoughts i trick myself into. . these shadows are such a mystery.

HOW ONE ROMANCES ME.

EVERY DAY WITH POETRY. FRESHLY PRESSED GERMAN KITSCH LOVE SING SONGS. MY BAVARIAN BUEBCHEN ! MARVEL IF YR LUCKY TO BE SO SMAAAART.
Andy Prinz herbeigeeilt,
dass er Nee ganz schnell befreit!
Befreit sie fix von allem übel,
schmeißt die anderen in nen Kübel,
und danach da näht er sich,
in Nees Herz ganz fürchterlich.

Denn da kommt er nie mehr raus.
da es ist nun sein zu Haus!!!!!

flawlesssss .

EXTENSIVE psychological advancements this morning. and i was late. as i was swirling and doused in satin and lace. but snooozie and i have such mindbrains in our heads that we pondered ourselves to no end and realized our pathologies lie in THE NEEED TO BE DESTROYED BY OUR MATES..THE THRILLS THE THRILLS. WE ARE SICK!. im phone less on weekend shift. but i entertain myself old school style.. AND WHAT telemathons i have with andylein.. HE MAKES ME AGREEE to be goood. and keep my words. i spit in my fist and SHAKE SHAKE. and then we kiss into the phone. to seal it. im gonna spend alll of january in andyland. to frolick around in berlin and dresden and ride with trains and get picked up from the station turner classic movie style. and commence with the sexy romances. swooon. !! the problem is that witches dont go to churches. so . im confused. but back in the day it was all kinds of liberal. and our children will be wizards.

wie konnt mich ein man nur so berauschen........

im crazy this new moon. . my planets are atwisted. i telephoned and woke up the dreamy dollie-boy. cuz im a pest. a real sleeep disturbance cuz im so oooo addicted to him. i had to appologize for being so launisch. its wrong to be mean. CONTROL YOUR INNER JERK . REALLLLY DO IT. OH he handles me so well. like no other. and writes me silly poems when im crazy.and im falling deeper into the abyssssss . walked in the forest. and paid my library tab of 61.29 dollars . ?. i neeeed nclex materials. hence why the social correctness. THELEAFS WON. i cant utterly believe it. im also sad . at certain people. you pooor beasts. i pegged you higher on the map. way . i saw a woman. that looks like grandma .but grandma is dead. this woman was not.

this post is not about you. dont flatter yourself.

ATR expired a little bit. i felt a melancholy mixture of alcohol and pain killers. and too loud has-been noise. did not feel so well. the busss driver hummed and whistled and sang DONT BREAK MY HEART.. i told him i wont if he lets me off inbetween stops. neeland is andyland. hence why this. was unavoidable.

baah.

the moonshine n the travels.. TOOK OUT my nee voice. n BEHOLD. the loves o my one daddykins. he fattened up mine bank account REAL noice.. muchos gracias padre. i cant boss anyone around in this state.. no i schnaxl alone tonight.